Hey Brother,
Whether you have a wife, girlfriend, sister, mom, or a female friend, there will come a time (probably many) when she comes to you and starts telling you about a problem. Being a loving, dashing, noble Christian man, you will obviously want to help her with her problem. I’ve decided to guide you on this most delicate of matters. Here’s a detailed explanation of how to fix a woman’s problems:
DON’T
At least, not at first. As men, when we hear a problem, we try to fix it, whether that person has asked for our help or not. There’s a problem. It needs to be fixed. We fix it. That’s the manly way. I can tell you from experience in personal relationships with women, that response does not go over well.
So, what should you do?
“Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.” – Proverbs 21:23
Brother, guard your mouth, hold your tongue, or to use a more modern colloquialism – put a sock in it! You don’t want to make her angry by giving advice where it’s not wanted. She wants to know you understand her. She wants you to vent with her. She wants you to understand and validate what she is feeling.
I know. I know. This is difficult. It’s not what men do. When your buddy says, “My car won’t start; I think the battery’s dead,” you don’t look at him while holding your jumper cables in hand and just nod politely. When your friend smashes his toe with a sledgehammer, you don’t put a gentle hand on his shoulder, look into his eyes, and softly say, “You have every right to feel that way.” Okay, that’s an exaggeration. I’m sure women wouldn’t like that response either, but you get my point.
“Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” – Proverbs 17:28
Focus on listening rather than speaking. Who knows? She may have already solved the problem herself, but if you’re too busy trying to fix her problem, you won’t be listening well enough to know that! The more you listen, the more she’ll think you truly understand her problem if she does decide to ask for your advice.
“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” – Proverbs 21:19
Sometimes it feels like when we try to help, it just makes them angry. I hate to admit it, but it’s not their fault. It’s usually ours. You see, if you pay close attention in these situations, you’ll realize that she almost never actually asks for help. She simply starts telling you about her problem. But if you are anything like me, you probably weren’t paying close enough attention to realize that in the first place.
And women (if you’re reading), if you want to help us be better listeners, don’t tell us something important while we are grinding coffee beans to make coffee, driving in traffic, or just about to fall asleep at night. If it’s important enough for you to get mad at us for not listening, then it’s important enough to take the time to make sure we are listening.
“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Ephesians 5:33
Brother, love your wife (or the woman in your life) don’t just try to fix them. If she’s coming to you with a problem, she’s probably had a hard day. She just wants to know you care about her.
Kristopher Galuska
Family Radio Staff